Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
