So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
