I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Go christen that room with your naked body.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
