hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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