He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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