I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She's the barista slut.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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