alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Congratulations! We have a period
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
