WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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