My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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