ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
