He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
