dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
