toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
