All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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