like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My pussy is not your playground.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Someone came in the potted fern
Terrible idea I love it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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