Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
