Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
