I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
