True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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