He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think my moral compass just broke
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