We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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