I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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