She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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