omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
