my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
