if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
