he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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