how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
