Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
