If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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