where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
