Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
