I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
