is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize