We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize