Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
