hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
