i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He better not be in your backpack
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
