we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
