Whats the glycemic index on semen?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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