textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
