ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
As shirtless as possible
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Randomize
