I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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