It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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