I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
worst night to have a conscience
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
