We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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