I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
