walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
