I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
