am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
