yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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