I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
