fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
