Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
