we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
