but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize