Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
