Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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