hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We left the knife in your bed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
