I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
