We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
