one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
