Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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