everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
