I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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