Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
